HYPOCRITE

When Simon kissed me on New Year's Eve

You really blew your top.

One would think I'd killed your prizewinning cat,

Or smashed your priceless Ming pot.

It was all so innocent, and nothing more

Than a simple vodka 'high'.

Yet it seems I'd committed such a terrible sin,

That you said you wished I'd die.

You accused me of making a fool of you

In front of your cling-on friends.

And then you gabbled some gobbledygook

About my needing to tie up loose ends.

Oh how the hypocrite's memory is short,

Because I can still clearly recall

Stumbling on you in the gamekeeper's hut

With Anna at that Summer Ball.

You explained it away as a comforting hug

For a friend who'd just buried her dog.

But I have to say, that hardly explains

The comment you left on her blog.

And when she returned from her gap year away

Beneath sunny skies of Corfu,

The baby she was oh-so-keen to show off

Was the splitting image of you!

So before you presume to criticise me,

Try looking to your own broken rule.

I have been so many things to you,

But I'll never be your fool.



DELIRIUM

Influenza's taking hold now
with feverish fingers of burning ice
that penetrate a weakened brain.
Neural pathways open out
into vast tunnels, allowing
bizarre notions to stream in
from beyond the outer limits
of ordinary reality.

Bedroom window
frames hostile steel-grey
winter sky
that wants to pull me through
and suck me up
into it's watery vastness.
It's denser greys
take on monstrous shapes
of ether-demons, who
silently call my name.
I'm beginning to levitate
out of bed
towards them.
Shutting eyes tightly.
The mental link shatters.
I'm back in bed
with a shocking jolt.

Pulling the duvet closer
around my shivering body, and
clenching teeth to stop them chattering.
But it's no use.
There is a sickening sensation
of falling through the bed
and into the Underworld,
where the Ancestors beckon me
to join them.
Suddenly I'm ultra light,
like a thread of gossamer
carried away on a spring breeze.
I've become transparent, formless.
But still so cold.
How did I come to be lost
in this Siberian blizzard anyway?

TV screen darts back and forth
across blurred vision, it's
unintelligible voices
teasing consciousness
to the point of exasperation.
I reach out to steady
it's erratic motion.
But it's much further away than it appears.
Distance has become fluid,
a rough storm-tossed sea.
I'm clinging to a broken sail mast,
as fifty-foot waves engulf
my tiny sailing yacht.
Struggling helplessly,
I'm pulled down
into the vortex
of a treacherous whirlpool, until
I'm fighting for breath
in a freezing, saturated - bed?

Panic takes over.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Erratic, pounding heartbeat
translates into train wheels,
clacking out of sync
over broken tracks.
This train's racing out of control,
heading straight for a precipice
of the Grand Canyon.
There's nothing I can do.
I'm over the edge.
Falling.
Falling,
ever faster
into russet oblivion.......

DUST

My love,
             Did I ever tell you
that when you leave
each morning for work
I am afraid
I shall never see you again?

That someone more talented,
more beautiful, more worthy of you
will come into your life
and you'll forget me?

I am so insignificant.
You are extraordinary.

I am the dust
On your shoe.

But you have
My imperfect heart.

LITTLE SISTER

Little sister, how does it feel

To be outside looking in?

You're watching the big girls dressing up

As the party's about to begin.

It's so unfair to be that young

And always overlooked.

You'd give your all to join them there

But your place was never booked.

They push you aside as their boyfriends arrive

In their flashy open-top cars.

You've begged and begged to ride in one, but

That's as likely as visiting Mars.

And how you'd love a boyfriend, too.

One of your very own.

You'd be treated like a princess, of that you're sure,

And would never again feel alone.

But instead you're packed off to bed

With a resentment in your heart

That instigates vile thoughts of revenge

As you seethe there in the dark.

It's so annoying that they expect you to

Be a shoulder when things go wrong.

Yet when you need them, where are they?

Without thought for you, long gone.

So you lie awake until 4am

When you hear them creeping in

With boys in tow, as they climb the stairs

Giggling and whispering 'Let's sin!'

Now you'll pay, you spitefully think,

And you begin to scream and shout

Until you manage to make yourself sick

So your parents come rushing out.

You tell them something unmentionable you've seen

Through a slightly open door.

Then your mother barges in to find them

Frolicking naked on parquet floor.

Little sister,

You're a bitch!