MADELINE

(Dedicated to my hilarious ex-colleague)


Look at me!
Look at me, I'm over here!
All heads turn when I appear.
How could any man resist
my fatal charms and clever wit?
My long black hair and hourglass curves,
while sometimes attracting too many pervs,
have always been my ultimate bait
to mass attention captivate.

Look at me, I'm over here!
All heads turn when I appear.
With other females I sympathise,
for they must feel so drab beside
such a beauty queen as I,
and also wish that they could buy
Designer Clothes and priceless gems,
but they're too plain for diadems.

Look at me, I'm over here!
All heads turn when I appear.
I've bedazzled every male
in Liverpool, Cardiff and Clydesdale,
and those in Paris, Munich and Rome
are forever trying to make me their own.
But as being faithful is no fun,
how could I possibly choose just one?

Look at me, I'm over here!
All heads turn when I appear.
My present beau is a guy called Joe.
He's besotted with me, and so much so
that I snap my fingers and he's at my feet,
and ready to take me out to eat.
Now while it's flattering, I have to admit
that if he weren't so wealthy I'd think him a twit!

Look at me, I'm over here!
All heads turn when I appear.
I adore my visits to the beauty salon
accompanied by my friend Yvonne
where, as they pamper us until we glow,
we gleefully ridicule the men we know.
Then three hours later when we emerge,
it's off to the nightclub where the elite converge.

Look at me, I'm over here!
All heads turn when I appear.
There's no greater feeling than being aware
that as I enter the room, they're going to stare,
the men with lust and adoration
and the women with envy and condemnation.
Either way I'm feeling great,
for the limelight's mine, it is my fate!

Look at me, I'm over here!
All heads turn when I appear.
As I'm walking down the street
in skin-tight jeans that fit a treat,
White Van Man from his window calls,
'Fat arse!' and I spin around, galled.
It's the first time anyone has been unkind.
Shaken, I head to a friend's to unwind.

Look at me, I'm over here!
All heads turn when I appear.
She plies me with vodka until I feel better
and suggests my feelings I sum up in a letter.
Half a day later I put it through the shredder,
pretending I'm White Van Man's beheader!
Then in bathroom mirror I inspect my butt
from every angle including downside up.

Look at me, I'm over here!
Do heads still turn when I appear?
I awoke this morning feeling low,
noticing bulges beginning to show,
ruining my gorgeous silhouette
(from excessive high-living, I'm willing to bet).
How could two harsh words effect
such sudden loss of self-respect?

Do you see me? I'm over here.
Do any heads turn when I appear?
Dressing for work, I cast aside
my usual provocative gear and hide
my loss of confidence under a coat
for I couldn't bear to see them gloat.
Then as I arrive at my office I see
that no one seems to notice me.

No one sees me, although I'm here!
No heads turn when I appear.
'What on earth has happened to you?'
asks Terry in amazement as he hands me a brew.
'Nothing,' I snap and escape to the loo
where I sneak out my Breezers and down quite a few.
Then as I emerge I stumble into Lliam,
who fails to notice 'cos he's ogling Sam.

No one sees me, although I'm here!
No heads turn when I appear.
Samantha our latest Temp is a tart,
as she has torn my world apart
by stealing all the attention from me,
her firm young body is all they see.
I'm tempted to fire her as I'm her boss,
but couldn't bear the men all bemoaning their loss!



If no one sees me, why should I fear?
I don't need others to prove I'm here!
Spite young Sam? What would be the point?
We need some life in this stale old joint!
She's such fun with her youthful charm
and her harmless flirting can do me no harm.
I've come to the conclusion there's more to life
than looking too good and inviting strife
from wives and girlfriends who are afraid
I'll steal their men in a seduction raid.

With one special man now, I'll not fear,
he's all I need to prove I'm here!
I've quit my high-flying career
to live with Roger down in Beer.
In our modest semi, we're over the moon
and our first child is due quite soon.
But the most important thing to me
is that now I'm who I was meant to be!