Followers

Friday, 19 December 2014

PHOTOGRAPHS

What happened to that photograph of you and I -
you remember, the one of our final holiday together
in 2009?
Searching countless albums to find it...aha!


When Austin framed us,
I wonder if he possibly could have guessed
that it would stir such emotions in me
this far into his future.
I recall how meticulously
he positioned us against the backdrop
of rocks and wild plants, calculating
angles of light and shade
in conjunction with our images.
How many minutes did it take
to perfect it?
Sunshine. Wind, wind,
cold sea spray laden wind
murmuring over jagged rocks.
Territorial conflict
of seagulls and invading ravens.
We retreated, frozen, luminous, gazing at him
through a retina of metal and glass.
He lifted us out of the physical
and into a vortex of coloured inks - to become
an indelible copy of what he saw
that October afternoon, high up in a recess
in the cliff face overlooking Rocky Valley.

A sudden thought: what became
of that grey sweater you're wearing?
Out of the gloomy depths of a sensitive's awareness
sentimentality bubbles up - a spectre that brings
unease, combined with intense longing to revisit
that earlier time...and touch again that warm fluffiness
that must still exist somewhere, although
now grown cold - or else is warming some other body
that was never a part of mine.

And I can't let it go. Have to know where
it is now. Is it being cared for with lashings
of fabric conditioner after every wash?
A disturbing vision of it lying discarded, screwed up
and torn, buried in a landfill site.
It is alone there. Once so close to you
and still carrying your essence, it languishes
in this inaccessible sepulchre...
and I can't bear it.
Panic.
Is it at this very moment being consumed
by moths, worms, or some deadly petrochemical
dumped on top of it?

Stop thinking!
Nostalgic imaginings can be destroyers of sanity.

But I'm drawn even deeper...
our bags on the rocky ledge behind you.
I have mine still, but yours is long gone.
All that black life, harbouring your memories -
your emotions and aspirations recorded
forever in it's fabric. I remember you donated it
to a charity shop: in the hands of a psychometrist
your innermost secrets could be unlocked -
and all for a few mere pounds.
I am possessive by proxy, can't begin to contemplate the notion
of a total stranger owning our shared past.

Oh I wish I could share these feelings with you.
But just two days ago I found other photographs like these
torn up in the bottom of your bin. As I retrieved them
and began piecing them together like a jigsaw
of your life, I discovered fragile finger prints faintly
patterning the glossy surfaces.
Tears began to well up then.
It seemed so symbolic:
our mother/son bond ripped apart by adulthood's
cool independence...and I am in mourning...still clinging tightly
to these lifeless, yet immortal, doppelgangers...






35 comments:

  1. A nice memory still made fresh with the discovery of that photo. So cute and beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh thank you, Dumcho...so very much! :)

      Delete
  2. Finding these old photos, less important then, now holding so much significance, portrayed here so well. Not until our children have lived as long, will they begin to understand..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is strange how we take circumstances for granted...until they change beyond recognition, isn't it?
      I guess I was being overly sentimental...there are many other things to look forward to as our children grow up...but the mother/son bond is so strong...
      Many thanks, Anthony :)

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. Thank you, Richard!

      Hope you are having a great weekend :)

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Oh definitely...albeit a painfully nostalgic one!
      Many thanks :)

      Delete
  5. sad....hard too when kids grow up and the tension it can cause...
    you look back and wonder how it happened from a moment when you were together....if only in pictures....perhaps time will heal....i know it was after i moved out that i appreciated my parents more....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You've hit the nail right on the head there, Brian...it feels like only yesterday that I arrived home from hospital with this tiny, helpless bundle in my arms...and now he is living with his own girlfriend!
      Where have the years gone?!
      Quite scary really...

      Many thanks! :)

      Delete
  6. As an older man, I find the empty nest, felt so keenly so long, fills with hope and admiration. Takes time, lots of time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your wise words fill me with hope, Geo...thank you so much!

      Hope you are having a great weekend :)

      Delete
  7. Lovely photo, and amazing poem, xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  8. Very nice poem and lovely photo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many thanks, Linda...I really appreciate that! :)

      Delete
  9. Oh Ygraine, my dear, this is heartbreaking, you are as lovely today as you were then, more so, for your heart has embraced even more people,you are loved, but that special love between mother and son, I know the pain of our boys becoming men....this brought tears to my eyes , for i know it well.....my love for you and a lovelly reunion some time soon xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Sweetie...you are so kind!
      I know you understand...that you have been here too. It is hard to accept that your little boy has finally grown up and is on the brink of flying the nest...arouses all manner of deep emotions, doesn't it?
      And I am so, so grateful for having you, my dear friend, to share the experience with.
      Thank you, Sweetie...oh thank you :) xoxoxo

      Delete
  10. Beautiful photo and your words in your poem are so moving! Truly amazing! Big Hugs ;o)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh thank you...from my heart...your kind words touch me so deeply!

      Love and Hugs xxx

      Delete
  11. Your poem brings back memories to my mind when I was younger, and I must say I love your flair in the way you write my friend, also that's a beautiful photo, and I'd like to add . . . that I wish you many blessings on this holiday ahead, and for the "New Year" to come.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Lon...and so happy you liked the photo! It is amazing how many buried emotions can resurface at the mere sight of an old photo, isn't it?!

      I wish you and your family the very best of everything for the holiday season too...and I am so grateful for having you as my friend.:)

      Delete
  12. A Natale tutti ritorniamo bambini! Allora ti auguro che la gioia, la pace e l'allegria, possano accompagnarti per tutti i giorni dell'anno. Buon Natale

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh thank you, Giancarlo...your kind words mean so much!

      Wishing you a Magical Christmas too...:)

      Delete
  13. Such a beautiful and touching poem Ygraine. Your beautiful soul resonates so deeply and so emotionally. I love what you say and how you say it. It brought a few tears to my eyes as I read over your transparent honesty and the wistful indifferences that the passing of time apparently conjures up in our relationships. Your poem offered a reckoning of the exact moments of personal solicitude I have and the unspeakable longing that I share with others as I stare into the photos of the past. I love it. It brings to mind an old song by The Cure, called "My Pictures of You". I can identify so strongly with your poem. Thanx for sharing the experience.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh wow...your words have brought tears to MY eyes.
      That someone else has been there and has felt these overpowering emotions too...well...maybe I am not such a sentimental and crazy fool after all!
      I can't recall the song you mention, but I will Google it when I have finished here. I would like to hear it.

      Thank you, William...for reading this...for understanding...and for being you - my distant friend...

      Have a Wonderful Christmas and a Super New Year :)

      Delete
  14. Ygraine
    You have so touched my heart with this poem!
    Wonderful photo of you and your son
    Have a wonderful holiday season
    So good to be here again
    I finally posted a poem , miracles do happen ...LOL

    Lots of hugs
    Margie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Margie...so wonderful to have you back!
      I have missed you so much.
      Really hope you had a wonderful Christmas, and that the New Year sees all your fondest dreams come true...:)

      Big Hugs xxx

      Delete
  15. Replies
    1. Thank you so much...
      and here's hoping your Christmas was a great one also! :)

      Delete
  16. Hermoso y bellas inágenes de amor de dos personas..Madre e hijo!!

    Gracias por compartir

    Con cariño Victoria

    Feliz Navidad!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Victoria...so happy you liked it!
      I hope you had a fabulous Christmas too...
      and I wish you a Very Happy New Year.:)

      Delete
  17. Que tengas una bella Navidad.
    Saludos para ti y tu familia.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Boris...so much!
      I hope your Christmas was a great one too...and that you have a truly Wonderful New year!! :)

      Delete

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my posts.
I really appreciate hearing your opinions...:)