BIRTH OF A MEDIUM

I wonder when you'll finally realize you've been chosen by Spirit?
Still, now, you appear to be the person I first met,
yet something has undeniably changed.
There is an air of expectancy about you.
I keep feeling my vocation is that of midwife,
that my sole purpose at this stage in my life
is to ease the passage of your re-birth, your transition into my world.
But you are not quite ready yet.
The strain of a protracted labour
is clearly visible in the gauntness of your features
and the dark circles beneath your eyes.

It is admirable how you've managed to cope:
the endless mood swings, the voices in your head -
misdiagnosed as schizophrenia - that make you
appear saintly one minute and then diabolic the next.
Which will you eventually become?
I sometimes fear the latter, when you are in the grip
of one of your self-harming frenzies:
"I AM WEAK, USELESS, PATHETIC, HATEFUL!" you scream,
as you bang your head repeatedly on the garden wall in frustration
until both it and the concrete path below
are splattered with blood.
Then you crawl, exhausted, into bed and sleep for days.

I'm often afraid you'll never recover from these assaults,
that your brain may have been gravely damaged
in those carnal vs spiritual battles for supremacy
over your Soul. Yet the Dolorous Blow
you inflict upon yourself seems to expiate
all perceived unworthiness.
You appear suddenly happy, immersing yourself
in everyday chores as if nothing has happened.
At those times, it is as if you've awoken
from a nightmare that you have no recollection of.
You hum an uplifting tune, smile at everyone
and throw lavish parties for the entire street.

But I know how it frightens you...
how what is trying to come through frightens you.
It's just too inconceivable for you to contemplate
and yet you want it with your entire being.
All your past lives have been preparing you for this.
And so the midwife patiently awaits
the dilation of the Veil's cervix,
eyes fixed on your aura, hands scanning chakras, ears
listening intently for those messages
that will soon inevitably come through.

I attempt to assuage your fears
by guiding your brain into deep meditation
until you achieve heightened awareness,
in preparation for the Spirit Guide
who is gradually descending into your sphere...
Now sudden blinding whiteness
floods through the barriers of the physical realm,
significantly raising your vibration.
Even I am thrown off balance,
am totally engulfed in pure Celestial Light.
The Spiritual waters have broken at last.

In this whiteout of merged dimensions -
me transfixed in it's power - I glimpse
your past lives, all of them simultaneously
as if watching a thousand movies at once.
But I am no casual observer. No such luck.
I feel them all...and none of them
have been happy-go-lucky fairy tales.
You have suffered for your calling -
really suffered - the excruciating torment
of the perpetual mourner, have lost
loved ones...over and over and over again.
And all those lost voices have been calling you until,
finally, the pain has become too much.
That last bereavement, in this lifetime,
has hit you hardest of all.
The loss of your first-born child is the ultimate catalyst...

I bring you out of your trance and you remember
it all, the never-ending rawness of it.
A haunting cry rises up from the depths of a Spirit
torn apart by grief. There is an irresistible longing
to override the finality of physical death.
I begin to wonder if it will ever end - it is
like a stylus caught in the groove
of an old scratched vinyl...
then your Spirit Guide slips in through the sound
to reunite you with all those you have lost.
Your muscles visibly relax. The tension drains
from your face...is replaced by an expression of sheer bliss.
In awe, I watch as the Veil's birth canal gradually expands
into a broad Rainbow Path. And I smile.
My work is done for now.
A medium is born.