LEGACY

We seek the teeth that made the wounds...


Once, I believed I was ordinary:
hid in my father's vegetable garden,
eating peas from the pod.
The caterpillars spoke to me then,
and when I was scared I took refuge in fairyland.

But then I realised she didn't loved me,
and he was too preoccupied.
Suddenly I was too old for fairy tales:
the peas became maggot-ridden
and the caterpillars were struck dumb.

Soon, the days expanded into months
and then the months to years. All the while
it was a harsh tongue that shaped me.
Mother, your castigation has kept me small:
only this body has grown.

The maternal instinct was absent in you,
at least when it came to me.
My mind won't close to that much pain.
Time continually rewinds to the reluctant womb
that formed me in bitter resentment.

I've tried so hard to rise above it.

Yet I remain the unwanted pregnancy -
that abhorrent thing that was such an encumbrance,
the scapegoat for all your frustrations.
Oh how I longed for a cuddle when I scraped my knee,
or your presence on school sports day.

But I guess it just wasn't to be.
Something within me must have stirred such powerful aversion -
perhaps a karmic debt was being repaid.
Did I wrong you in a previous life?
Could that explain such profound dislike of your youngest child?

Oh I wish I knew the answer,
but I probably never will.

Anyway, dear Mother, I forgave you long ago...
but I still have no name.


My heart-felt thanks, Margie...for helping me to recognise a karmic lesson...xxx



I am off on my travels again tomorrow. I will try my hardest to visit you all, but sometimes I find myself in a connection black spot...so if I can't make it for a short while, I hope you'll forgive me...xoxoxo