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Thursday, 4 June 2020

FIXATION

For more than a year now I've passed him in the street,
in every season, in all weathers:
sun, rain, hail, snow, gales, thunder.
By now I'm familiar with his entire wardrobe:
the smart city suit, the long black raincoat
with it's wide lapels and matching umbrella,
the indigo denims with slashed knees, his
lime green jogging suit. I often think of him
and the way his long dark curls
fall about his shoulders. And I long to know more.
His neighbour says he's only seldomly home, but when he sees her
he blows her a kiss. Oh if only that were me
I'd be ecstatic - just to be acknowledged by him!
Oh you sad fool - do you really think he'd notice you??
With the day off one Wednesday
I followed him (at a safe distance) to the park.
He was walking his Afghan Hound. My heart was racing.
I desperately wanted to go over and speak to him...

I am such an introvert. How do you approach
a man like him? God knows! But I long to, SO much.
Occasionally - and this is the cringeworthy bit -
I actually follow him home!
He almost caught me once, loitering
just inside his garden gate, behind a holly bush.
I had to hold my breath as he passed by,
so close I could smell his aftershave.
That fragrance has haunted me ever since,
evoking such exquisitely compelling fantasies!
Perhaps one day I'll find the courage to actually speak to him.
How I'd love to see him glance in my direction, to smile at me.
I frequently see an image of him in the fog.
But then it vanishes - deep longing's delusion, I guess.
Wind-driven mist can play peculiar tricks on the overimaginative mind!

Too often, I am compelled to walk that street.
Sometimes, I wish I were beautiful. But I'm not.
Other times, I wish he had a penchant for plainness...

Recollections of a seventeen-year-old me!! 😉😉

43 comments:

  1. It's a beautiful story of your memories when you were 17 years old, my best friend Ygraine.

    Of course you must be very beautiful when you were a teenager, now your beauty is more charming.

    Greetings to you and your family from me in Indonesia 🤗

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    Replies
    1. Oh Himawan, you are so kind...my most heartfelt thanks!👍😊
      I really appreciate that.

      Wishing you all a happy and safe day...🤗

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    2. Your welcome mykindly friend, YGraine 🙏

      I also pray from here that you are always healthy and happy through the days 🤗

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    3. Thank you so much, my good friend! 😊😊

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  2. Memories are precious 😊 thanks for your sharing 😊

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    1. They certainly are!😊😊
      And thank you so much...👍

      Stay safe and happy xxx

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  3. Wonderful introspection of a younger you. I remember seventeen as an arrogant teen. Plain old me thinking, maybe wishing, okay dreaming, I was being admired from some hidden admirers seeing me as I pretended to be☺☺

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    1. A little of that male arrogance wouldn't have gone amiss in me...I was just SO introverted!🙄😊
      I can really relate to the notion of those hidden admirers...they were all that kept me going then!! Lol
      Many thanks, Anthony...I so appreciate that!😊😊

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  4. Wonderful introspection of a younger you. I remember seventeen as an arrogant teen. Plain old me thinking, maybe wishing, okay dreaming, I was being admired from some hidden admirers seeing me as I pretended to be☺☺

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  5. Oh, how I understand you! All the boys and men I loved were platonic loves - but one; I married him.

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    1. Oh thank you so much, Ana...I don't feel quite so "different" now!😊😊

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  6. Oh yes.
    I remember that girl. The same girl who used to brush her hair before answering the phone to the very first of her boyfriends...
    Beautifully, poignantly expressed memories.

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    1. So you did that hair brushing thing too?! Lol
      Seems I wasn't quite so odd as I thought...😉

      Many thanks, my dear friend ❤❤❤

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  7. Seventeen, in so many ways an awkward age …
    I enjoyed reading your poem and your memories.

    Have a happy Friday and a happy weekend too.

    All the best Jan

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    1. Certainly was, Jan...😉
      So happy you enjoyed...and thank you so much!😊😊

      Have a great Sunday.

      Hugs xxx

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  8. am also an introvert. even more so as years pass.

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    1. I know what you mean...I sometimes cringe when I think of the things I did then (such as in the poem)...I would never dare act so boldly (or as rash) now!! Lol

      Many thanks!👍👍

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  9. Wow, nice memories from you being 17! That was so good to read, more and more intriguing in each verse. I am also an introvert, so that caught my eye immediately. Beautiful description of a platonic love! Have a lovely weekend:)

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    1. Oh I am so happy you enjoyed...and it is good to know I wasn't the only teen who was so painfully shy!😊😊
      My heartfelt thanks, Natalia!! 👍👍

      Have a fabulous day!

      Hugs xxx

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  10. At seventeen years old it's normal to be shy. And we don't even remember that it would be enough to get a dog and, as dogs always talk to each other, it would be very easy to talk to the owner of the other dog ...
    A delicious text, I really liked it.
    My dear Ygraine, have a nice weekend.
    Kisses.

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    Replies
    1. And to think that for all these years I have believed it was only me!😉 Shyness almost crippled me!!
      I also had an Afghan hound then...but still hadn't the courage to approach him!🙄
      I'm really happy you enjoyed, Jaime...and my sincerest thanks!😊😊

      Have a fabulous Sunday!

      Kisses xxx

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  11. wow, i want to read more - i want to know if you ever talked with him. So fun to read this. I like what Jaime said about having a dog - and easy to talk with another dog owner.

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    1. Sadly, no. I lurked around in the shadows so long, that he finally moved away when his course was over!🙁
      Such a silly girl! I mean, the worst that could have happened would have been his saying no.🙄
      Trouble is...at that time it would have felt like the bottom had dropped out of my world...
      Thank you so much, Sandy... I'm really happy you enjoyed.😊😊

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    2. oh yes 17 - ...do you remember Janis Ian singing "17". I thought of that while reading your post and hadn't thought of her in years. 17...i actually really liked that age - i was graduating school and having a bit of a wild summer and had a crush on the local ice cream man...he was a cutie. I was a tall girl so I didn't really date in high school, after all guys wanted all the short ones and the few that did like me were shorter than me. oh well - i would do it all over again. You should write novels and if not that a biography..love your writing.

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    3. Aww, you are so kind, Sandy...thank you so much!😊😊
      I was the opposite to you, just 4'11", and very plain. Am still the same now, but have learned to live with it!! Lol
      The tall girls were the popular ones here...😉 xxx

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  12. Oh no my beautiful friend, you could never be plain. Not then and not now.
    You have a dream lover that you have carried in your heart from a teen until now. Keep him safe and sound in you r memories...young love is beautiful.
    I will tell you a little secret I have one, too. But if it had developed into more I would have lost my dream lover and he would probably not be so perfect anymore :)

    Hugs and Much Love Lovely Spirit Sister ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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    1. Oh how kind you are, dearest Jan...my most heartfelt thanks!😊😊
      Yes, those tender memories of more innocent times...are so precious.
      The choices we made in the past are what led to where we are now...and I am so happy that you made the ones you did, my beautiful Spirit Sister...because you truly deserve the happiness you now have!😊😊

      Sending you all my love and hugs ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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  13. Ygraine is always a seventeen years old girl because of her talent.
    The poem is an answer to the deepest silence of imagination.
    Because there is always a dreamy and poetic kiss through your art.
    Fantastic poem of dreamy past and kissed future.

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    1. WOW, my most heartfelt thanks, Yannis...I so appreciate your kind words!!😊😊
      And I am so grateful for your visits...you always instill in me the desire to keep writing...

      A Hug.

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  14. Seventeen years of adolescent love story is very sweet and memorable.

    So nice story Ygraine..

    Greetings...
    Have a great day....

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    1. Aww, thank you, Cherry...so very much!!
      You are so kind.😊😊

      Have a lovely day...and stay safe, my friend!

      Hugs xxx

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  15. What a beautiful poem capturing what it was like to be a young teen so well!

    Hope you are having a lovely weekend! We had a (small, due to restrictions) party for my son's birthday yesterday, it was really fun :)

    Away From Blue

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    1. Oh thank you so much!😊😊

      I'm really glad you had a party for your son. I can imagine how much fun you had...it must have been a huge relief after all this time in lockdown!👍👍

      Wishing you a safe and happy day!

      Hugs xxx

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  16. This is a beautiful poem! Thanks for sharing this

    xoxo
    Lovely

    http://mynameislovely.com

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    1. Thank you so much...and I'm so happy you enjoyed...😊😊❤❤❤

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  17. You wrote better poetry than I did at that age.

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    1. Thank you so much... I'm sure that's not true though!😊😊

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  18. Hi dear, great post, I love it!
    Hope you can visit my blog and if you want that we follow each other let me know by leaving a comment -> http://beautyshapes3.blogspot.com/2020/06/femme-luxe-haul.html

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  19. Thank you so much!😊😊

    I am following you now. xxx

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  20. Oh i enjoyed the excitement and curiosity of young innocent heart dear Ygraine :)))

    how beautifully beautifully expressed ,you made me step into her shoes for while lol

    really honest and vivid feelings of age when eyes see what they see and heart strikes passionately and almost blindly

    we think butterflies way to our salvation and chase them madly :)
    so beautiful my friend!
    hats off once again
    stay well and healthy dear Ygarine!

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    1. Dearest Baili, I am so happy you enjoyed this...and my heartfelt thanks for your kind words!!🙁🙁
      Oh I can't begin to tell you how relieved I was to hear that you are recovering. I have been SO concerned about you, but now I can heave a sigh and breathe easy again!
      Please do take care of yourself, my precious friend...and have a lovely day!😊😊

      Sending you all my love and hugs ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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I really appreciate hearing your opinions...:)