SUSPICION

Silence gnawed at you. And the terror

of being betrayed: a threatening dark enemy,

the piercing indifferent

destruction of bloody battle sword. After

the glowing sunrise, these were

the emotions that beset you. They filled

my vacant space, and when self-esteem

eluded you, this torment

took it's place. But I

was probably on the beach, just sunbathing

with Anna, no more immoral intent in me

than in the illicit lover

I'd never even imagined. A real lover

may have felt uneasy,

left with haste

when the grotesque malignance of your mistrust -

half victim, half inquisitor, totally

illogical and stuffed with your unexpressed past hurts -

crept relentlessly without hindrance

towards me through the sunlit streets,

through the crowded car park,

tainted my sun oil in it's brown-tinted bottle

and angrily glared at me

with the unjust accusations

that were rapidly becoming the norm.

My double life - the life you have invented

for me inside your head - is comically erotic,

is lived by an effigy wearing my face.

Monstrous allegations and emotional blackmail

have become the story of my life.

And the steps to our front door

have grown into a daunting,

treacherous mountain

that I no longer have the will to climb.