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Friday 16 October 2015

MISSING LINK

My best friend from school
became a top model

which was fantastic for her but left me feeling
somewhat lacking. I knew I wasn't

particularly feminine, but neither was I lesbian.
Uncomfortable in dresses and mystified by girl-talk,

I did nevertheless date guys
and write them erotic, suggestive poems -

while living in terror of actual intimacy:
that one of them would someday believe me "normal"

and venture beyond painted face and padded bra
to discover the odd little boyish creature beneath,

then divulge my guilty secret to all and sundry,
humiliating me to the core...



A mother now and far from ideal wife,
for innate awkwardness still generates

a pronounced reticence that must be off-putting.
I live off-balance, making excuses

to avoid wifely duties: cleaning, sewing, cooking, I abhor;
preferring instead motor sports, sword fighting and archery -

and  I'm more adept at these than most men I know!
No one seems to know what to make of me.

I am definitely not your archetypal female.
I am Aries woman: gender's missing link.

33 comments:

  1. A gripping piece that lingers on, well done.

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    1. Oh thank you, "B"...I truly appreciate that! :))

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  2. It's so hard to get rid of stereotypes! The best thing that describes me is, I think, that old lyrics which says: "I am what I am, I am my own special creation."

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    1. You are definitely NOT kidding! I have struggled with stereotypes for most of my life...:/
      Bravo, Ana...I am striving to be all that you already are.
      Thank you so much.:)

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  4. I must gravitate too the missing links.. Love you writing..

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    1. I had such fun with this one :)...it was conceived from a study of my astrological sign...being a female born under a powerfully masculine sign. Set me thinking about what that actually meant....and why I have always felt slightly annoyed when encountering exaggerated femininity in others.
      Perhaps there is a reason after all...*smiles* ;))

      Many thanks, Anthony!

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  5. Great writing, Ygraine! I cannot stand the stigma of mental illness, what a woman "should" be, what a man "should" be, men shouldn't cry, blah, blah, ad nauseum! Sheesh! People "should" be more concerned about bettering themselves, about being kind to others, helping others, and this should include being kind to onself as well.

    I had missed you and am so happy you are back! Thank you so much for your friendship, support, kind comments on my blog posts and for your lovely blog! :)

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  6. Great writing, Ygraine! I cannot stand the stigma of mental illness, what a woman "should" be, what a man "should" be, men shouldn't cry, blah, blah, ad nauseum! Sheesh! People "should" be more concerned about bettering themselves, about being kind to others, helping others, and this should include being kind to onself as well.

    I had missed you and am so happy you are back! Thank you so much for your friendship, support, kind comments on my blog posts and for your lovely blog! :)

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  7. Great writing, Ygraine! I cannot stand the stigma of mental illness, what a woman "should" be, what a man "should" be, men shouldn't cry, blah, blah, ad nauseum! Sheesh! People "should" be more concerned about bettering themselves, about being kind to others, helping others, and this should include being kind to onself as well.

    I had missed you and am so happy you are back! Thank you so much for your friendship, support, kind comments on my blog posts and for your lovely blog! :)

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    1. I wholeheartedly concur, Linda!
      Those same things utterly drive me insane too. There are far too many stigmas in this world...when what we should all be doing is celebrating every individual's uniqueness...

      Dear Linda...it is good to be back home, where the connection is much better. I had so missed visiting your wonderfully inspiring blog.
      I really treasure your precious friendship, and your support too...it truly means so very much to me.
      Thank you so, so, much.
      xoxoxo

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  8. Many of us are missing, Yg, yet but very few of us know it.

    This piece touches that in me.

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    1. Ha...and here's hoping we "missing" ones someday have our day! *smiles*
      Hope all is well with you and yours.

      Many thanks, TUG...so good to hear from you! :))

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  9. Reading this reminded me of the film I showed the members of my film club the other week: Tomboy. Your poem touches on similar themes, our perceptions and other people's of our gender and roles within them, whether pre-arranged or not. Lovely piece. Thanks.

    Greetings from London.

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  10. That is really interesting to know, CiL...that others are pondering this theme too.
    Personally, I have never been very interested in those activities traditionally deemed "feminine"...which is why, I guess, I have always felt something of a misfit!
    Many thanks.

    Greetings from Hampshire.:)

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  11. Yes, it spoke to me (deeply) too. We all have our insecurities and doubts about our value and attractiveness, throughout life it seems...You've written an honest and open depiction of that kind of soul searching.

    I'm glad I found your blog Ygraine, you are a talented and provocative poet.

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    1. Dearest Geraldine...you really are so kind. Your words I find really encouraging...they make me feel less the misfit and more the norm...and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
      Such a priceless gift. xoxoxo

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  12. I really resonate to this - ...mother of 4 guys, always felt i was more geared to raise boys than girls. I almost wouldn't know what to do with girls - how to be around them. (But now I have 3 granddaughters and love being around them). I worked behind a desk for 30 plus years but wanted to be outside doing anything else for a living -building brick or block walls, (not that I would know how to do that), being a forest ranger, tour guide, archeologist and really never very nesty unless I was pregnant. Oddly enough I wouldn't say I was a tomboy, my sister was more like that - very good in sports.

    My sister is an Aries also, I have lived with one and my mother was a Leo, and I a Sagitarrius, all fire signs. I am SO typically a Sag. I love being a mom just wished I could have fitted in my love for adventure in a bigger way while raising kids. I really love your poem!

    And the on the other side I adore sparkles and glitter and jewelry and don't get me started on room sprays and oils and lotions and Scentsy fragrances, lol

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    1. Gosh...it appears we are a lot alike in the way we think and feel, doesn't it? I am mother to one son, sadly my daughter never made it past babyhood...so I guess I wouldn't have a clue what to do with a girl - although I have a granddaughter due in January, so had better start learning fast! *smiles*
      And yes, I do have to admit to having a weakness for all those luxuries too...eyeliner, lip gloss, high heels and perfumes I love.
      Ha...makes me sound quite the hypocrite! lol

      Many thanks, Sandy.:)

      Have a brilliant weekend! :))

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    2. very sad about your baby girl. How wonderful to be waiting on a granddaughter. I love all mine so much. I love the stage when they go through "dress up" in all the little disney costumes out there. You will definitely have fun.

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  13. Hmm! Quite a gripping piece that has got me thinking about life missing links.

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    1. Many thanks, my friend...so good to hear from you!

      Wishing you a great weekend.:))

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  14. __I may be strange... but, forced smiles... full of over whitened teeth; plunging neck lines; 5 inch heals; butt and boob puffs, and eye shadow that seems to be from the ashes of an overused fireplace... I see these things and others as_ graffiti, on nature's beautiful walls.
    __Simple smiles... show the deeper beauty.

    sweatshirt
    faded jeans and sneakers
    a natural smile

    _m

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    1. Haha...oh how you've made me smile, Doug!
      Absolutely brilliant...that is exactly how it is...lol

      I am more the last one these days...although I do still like a little glitter on a special occasion - a throwback to a lifetime of media's conditioning, I guess! ;)
      Thank you so much...you have genuinely brightened up my day...well, they do say laughter is the best medicine...:))

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  15. Excellent poem describing a struggle that doesn't end with our birth but continues into the discovery of our character. Very well done.

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    1. Oh thank you, Geo...so much!
      Now you mention it...that really is true...how we all continue learning about ourselves throughout our entire lives.
      I hadn't thought of it that way before, but you've opened my eyes.

      Have a brilliant weekend! :))

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  16. Dearest Ygraine,
    I hope that you are well. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you...especially as Halloween draws nearer :)

    Hugs and Much Love
    xoxoxo

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    1. Oh Jan, my dear, dear friend...I am thinking of you too...and dearly wishing we could meet up and celebrate Halloween together. How wonderful that would be! :)
      Things are happening fast now. We have been to London for a whole day of pre-op tests...now it is just a case of waiting for the phone call. When it comes, I will be staying at the Brompton Hospital for around ten days...but I will stay in touch as often as I can.:)

      Have a truly magical weekend!

      Much Love & hugs xoxoxo

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  17. You are perfect just the way you are and write, be you, you're quite wonderful...hugs and Love xoxoxo

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    1. Oh Sweetie, how I've been missing you...and I so hope you are OK?
      And how kind you are! You have no idea how much it means to me to be accepted just as I am. That is very precious in this image-oriented time that we live in!
      Thank you with all my heart...:))

      Much Love & Hugs xoxoxo

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  18. A very powerful writing! Touched my soul!! I understand :o) We love you for you!!! Never change!

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  19. Oh you are so kind, Sweetie!
    Thank you so much...and Big Hugs xoxoxo

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