Sunday 25 March 2012


Latter-day Valentino; he's
less predator, more
innocent philanderer.
What female could resist
the subtle, age-old
flattery that leads
from nightclub wooing
to warm bed, unclothed?

And after the four-hundredth
notch in bedpost?
Four hundred-and-first
is lined up in
laser sight of
soulful brown eyes.
And she merges,
into carved mahogany.

Friday 16 March 2012


Dedicated to all those who are suffering, unnoticed, this Mental Health Awareness Week.
You are NOT alone.

I'm not mad - it's just
these electro-chemical messengers
in my brain who seem
to have their wires crossed.
Although not always.
Just sometimes.
I'm often just as sane
as anyone else.

But at those other times,
a switch trips somewhere
in the circuit, sending
my mind into overdrive...

Can you really not see
the Moon smiling at you?
Surely you don't expect
me to be rude and ignore her
when she enquires how I am today?
Your face is a picture, simply because
I'm deep in conversation with her
about the Universe.

Such a facinating subject.
All these pretty little planets
swirling around my head.
They remind me of the bubbles
I used to blow as a child.
And look - our Earth!
Such a beautiful blue bauble,
like something you'd find hanging
from the branch of a Christmas tree.
So tiny, so fragile.
I can blot it out
with just one hand.
That's how powerful I am today.

They've transformed into butterflies.
Multi-coloured, faery-like creatures.
Can you see their wings flapping?
So fast they're becoming a blur, and
they're growing rapidly;
are huge now.
Think I'll climb on the back
of this bright yellow one and
hitch a ride to the far side
of our galaxy.
I've often longed to know
what it's like out there,
in space.

Why are you looking so worried?
It can't be that dangerous.
Where's your spirit of adventure?
You fret too much lately,
like when you found me
scaling the church tower
at 3am last Sunday morning.
Remember how you panicked
and called the police and fire service?
You told them I was trying
to rescue my cat.
What on earth made you say that?
You know full well that
I can fly, and simply needed
an elevated take-off point!

And I can shapeshift too.
Bet you didn't know that!
I was a Dragon last night,
with deep red glistening scales.
I flew twice around the equator
and breathed my fiery breath
on all the negativity in the world,
turning it into harmless
smoldering ash.
See - my mouth is still sore
from the flames!

As for time, well,
that never did restrict me.
I observed the building
of Egypt's pyramids;
helped Merlyn erect Stonehenge.
I fought in the battle of Waterloo;
visited Mars in fifty-ten.
I witnessed the birth of women's suffrage;
the execution of Charles the first.
So Wells' novel 'The Time Machine'
was probably based on me!

How I wish such incredible adventures
never had to end.
But I've learned from grim experience
that these accursed wires
will again dis-intersect
and short-circuit my mental prowess.
And when they do
I'll be drawn once more
into my pit of dark despair,
where my only hope of eventual escape
is through a hangman's noose.

Those clever electricians
can re-wire our homes
to render them totally safe.
So how come no brilliant doctor has learned
to re-wire the human brain?


Friday 9 March 2012


You have it all: the wit, the beauty
And youthful charms galore.
You're blessed with many friends and would-be
Boyfriends queueing at your door.

You've always been Daddy's little princess
And Mummy's pride and joy.
Physical perfection you are, no less.
Unattainable fantasy of boy.

You were whisked off to Paris a month ago,
And last weekend to Rome.
On Valentine's Day you left in a limo
With your favourite lover, from home.

Neighbours lined the pavements in awe,
As if observing an 'A List' pair;
And as your chauffeur closed the door,
You coyly tossed your hair.

The life you lead is as close to ideal
As a life could possibly be.
So why are you so compelled to steal
Contentment from people like me?

We have no defence when you scathingly scorn
The way we look and dress.
According to you, grotesque we were born.
So you couldn't respect us less.

You mockingly joke with your many lovers
Of how no one could ever want me.
Then through shared wall, with my head under covers,
I endure screams of ecstasy.

And my vacuum cleaner is used as a weapon
Of confidence annihilation.
I'm referred to as 'Drudge' and 'Mrs. Mop' whereupon
Comes identity assassination.

Daddy pays others to clean your home,
Do washing, food shopping and cook;
Leaving you free to in luxury roam
And conquer or destroy with a look.

Perhaps when you're no longer eighteen
And time's dulled that dazzling face,
The boyfriends will finally see what you've been
And away from you they'll race.

For who'd want to stay with a spoilt little knocker
Who can't bear to let others shine?
I realise this will come as a shocker,
But they'll tire of that egotistic whine!

Saturday 3 March 2012


If you loved me, you'd tell me sometimes
Not leave me to worry and fret.
It destroys my confidence being unsure
Whether we're an item yet.

If you loved me, you'd take me out
At least five times each week,
And you'd be sure to give me all
The attention I desperately seek.

If you loved me, you'd buy me roses,
At least a dozen red;
And by first class, they'd be delivered
To the table beside my bed.

If you loved me, you'd never look
At any girl but me,
Because if you did it would surely mean
You wished that you were free.

If you loved me, this evening we'd be
In a lavish hotel being fed,
And then by midnight we'd be upstairs
Making love in a four poster bed.

If you loved me, you'd surprise me with
A ring of diamonds and gold,
And you'd tell me how I'm the only one
You long to have and hold.

Instead, I'm always just hanging around
Waiting for you to call
Because you're out with the boys again
Kicking a stupid ball.

If you loved me, you would accept
That footie's a part of my life.
But instead you always nag me to quit
And cause a lot of strife.

If you loved me, you'd understand
That I need some fun with the lads,
Because there'll be no time when we're
Responsible hard-working dads.

If you loved me, you'd appreciate
The little gestures I make,
Instead of demanding more and more
And turning me into a fake.

If you loved me, you wouldn't need me
To say 'I love you' all day.
Surely it's proof enough that I'm here.
If I didn't, then why would I stay?

If you loved me, you'd realise
That on my cashier's pay,
I can't afford to take you out
To smart hotels each day.

If you loved me, you wouldn't expect me
To make you my wife before
I'm ready for such a drastic step.
That would kill our love for sure.

I sometimes think that all you want
Is a mindless, compliant slave.
This girl-power madness possessing you
Will destroy the very things you crave.

I may be mistaken, so please feel free
To correct me if I am;
But I believe love is a sharing thing,
Rather than self-serving sham.

It's finding contentment in each other
Without demanding change.
It's caring how the other feels
And allowing them free-range.

It's never trying to make them conform
To your will by threat or guilt.
It's learning to appreciate who they are.
That's how true love is built!