Friday 14 December 2012


You must have been born
under a mathematical sign,
because everything
has to add up
reduce down
divide into
or multiply by:
or nine.

I once lived in a six-roomed apartment,
and no amount of cajoling could induce you
to set foot over the threshold;
not even when I swore on my life
that your world really wouldn't implode
if you did.
You just sat there on my doorstep,
sipping your coffee and shivering
in the dead of winter, saying
you'd much rather freeze to death
than dare risk tempting fate!

I expect you remember, too, that time
when five letters landed on your doormat?
How you had a major panic attack?
You simply couldn't get your head around
the audacity of these
little white squares of paper
to challenge you to such a degree.
You screamed at me to 'GET RID OF THEM!'
I refused, 'because,' I said,
'they may be important.'
So you sat on the floor in the hall,
dumbly staring at them; clearly
in some kind of trauma.
In the end,
you had to tear two of them in half - to
make up seven, of course.
But even then you couldn't rest:
had to go back and tear
another two to make nine,
it being the higher and, therefore,
most important of the
three numbers.

And as for crossing the road - a
simple enough task, one would think.
Not for you!
Seven vehicles have to pass
before you dare step onto the highway.
It has to be seven precisely,
even if the eighth is following
perilously close behind it.
How many times has an enraged
number eight threatened to kill you,
after screeching to a halt
with number nine firmly embedded
up his backside?
I'm more than convinced you really do
have eight more lives in reserve!

Another big ordeal for you
is eating a packet of crisps.
You have to open them,
count them out,
and if the contents inside aren't divisible
by one of your three numbers
then they're consigned to the nearest bin.
Another pack is then opened
and the process begins again.
Needless to say, you
have to buy your crisps
by the truckload.

And as for your love-life, well,
that has always been 'troubled'
to put it mildly.
The phrase 'one-to-one' just isn't
in your vocabulary.
You're nothing if not predictable.
There have to be three, seven,
or nine on the go at any one time
(now there's a surprise!).
The black eyes, broken noses
and lost teeth must surely
earn you an entry in the
Guinness Book of Records
as 'Most Fought-Over Woman!'

These days,
I often sit and wonder
how it will eventually end - your
life, I mean.
Knowing you as I do, it
certainly won't be peacefully
in bed, of old age.
You'd loath that.
No. It would have to be
in some way numerical and dramatic,
such as the Celtic Triple Death.
Yes, that's it!
then drowning.
And, naturally, you'd accept no less
than a pyramid
as your final resting place -
guarded, of course, by
a triumvirate of Goddess statues.
Only then would you rest in peace:
the unorthodox mathematician
numerically lulled to sleep.



  1. How difficult is that to live by or with! Gosh, hats off to you for this one in more ways than one. Bravo dear lady a magnificent write and of course you always pull off the imagery thing so well. Your words always create the most delightful images in my head :)

    1. Thank you so much, Rose. You are so kind.
      Yes, it is almost painful to watch - and sometimes a little frustrating!
      But then who am I to criticize when I have so many of my own idiosyncrasies...Hehehe :D

  2. You've summed up this phobia really well. I wouldn't be surprised if this person would want to die on an odd numbered day, if not it would freak this person out big time.

    1. You're certainly not kidding, Windsmoke! Life for someone like this is incredibly taxing, to say the least. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!

  3. OCD at its best
    ... or worst.
    From where I see - heartbreaking. xx

  4. Yes, it is heartbreaking to observe, but on a good (odd-numbered day) she can be euphoric. We try to build on those days as best we can :)

  5. This was a great way of giving me a glimpse into this. I'm fascinated!

    1. Thanks for your visit!
      Believe it or not, statistics tell us that more than 90% of the world's population suffer from OCD to some degree. Fortunately only a small percentage suffer to this extent.
      Thank goodness for that!!

  6. Ocd is a big part of my life. My son has it and for awhile it was realllly in control of every aspect of his life ( and therefore mine). I was sure I had commented on this but I think i read it and got interrupted before making my comment. I'm sorry about that!! This was ( again) brilliant! xoxo

    1. That's ok Nyssa. It's great to hear from you any time!
      Two members of my family have it too, and I suffered aspects of it when I was younger. It hasn't completely disappeared in my case, but I have learned to control it better these days! xxx

  7. Great job in the telling Ygraine. "born under a mathematical sign" was a new perspective for this old Cancer.

    1. Many thanks, Gnome.
      I don't for one moment believe you're that 'old' a Cancer though!!
      You have so youthful a mind...:)

  8. Oh, I REALLY loved this read. A truly fab' write - though I didn't quite see the problem with the 6 room flat. Three goes into 6, no? Nit-picking! This is great, great fun!

  9. Thank you, Dave. So glad you enjoyed this.
    Ah yes, the six-roomed appartment...apparently it was the fact that a building was just too solid to manipulate!
    The letters could be torn;
    crisps thrown into the bin;
    numbers divided into/multiplied by;
    but bricks and mortar?
    Impossible to change that from being six!!

    And it just about drove her insane...:/

  10. One of your best creations, dear Ygraine, fabulous indeed. I couldn't stop reading, thanks for sharing this funny-thrilling-dramatic story.
    The men you describe are so weird, hehehe, I remember the ice man, now this poor obsessed numerical guy...Obsessive compulsive disorder, terrible.
    The end with the pyramid as his hypothetical final resting place is terrific.
    A hug and Happy Christmas my dear friend.

    1. Dulcina, thank you. You are so kind!
      Yes, OCD is a terribly debilitating illness. I am so grateful that I only suffered a very mild version when I was younger, and am now able to keep it under control (except when I'm very stressed, that is!). Don't think I'd survive as severe a case as this!!

      Seasonal Greetings & Hugs

  11. Un felice Natale e uno strepitoso fine 2012 per Te e i tuoi cari!!

    1. Thank you so much, Giancarlo. I really appreciate that!
      Season's Greetings to you too.
      I hope you have a wonderful time xxx


Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my posts.
I really appreciate hearing your opinions...:)