Friday 14 June 2013


On Toyah's twenty-fourth birthday...

On a sultry June midnight
The crescent Moon shone down
Through open bedroom window
Where I stood in my dressing gown.

I was gazing into the garden,
When a soft wind stirred my hair.
It told me she still thought of me,
And for once this life seemed fair.

I hadn't needed that gentle breeze
To prompt thoughts of her in me,
But still it whispered in the leaves
Of ivy, 'Remember me?'

It rustled louder in the laurel,
Then down the alley-way screamed
In the voice of a young girl calling,
'Mummy, I'm here!' it seemed.

This is nonsense I told myself.
Although comforted, I couldn't abide
This wind's pretence of returning a child
To her grieving mother's side.

'Go and play with the flowers,' I cried,
'Or send ripples through the corn.
Just leave this human heart alone
To mourn a beloved first-born.'

But that wind refused to leave me.
My cheek it gently kissed,
And enveloped me in the delicate scent
Of a baby still desperately missed.

Just then such vivid memories arose -
So clearly her face I could see.
It touched me so, I began to cry.
Then Toyah spoke to me...

'Was I not a part of you
A generation ago?
So how could I not be a part, too,
Of the grief you've been suffering so?

When my tiny body was laid to rest
Beneath that cemetery stone,
I followed you home to be with you
So we'd never be alone!'


  1. There's always such raw emotion in your poems...always a beautiful melancholy.

    1. Thank you so much Keith.
      I really appreciate that.:)

  2. This is so sad and yet so beautiful and touching and so clearly from the heart. The memories hurt so much, but there are these moments when the lost return and fill the void and there is a form of happiness for a bit. I love this…

    1. I guess that is the thought that has kept me sane throughout all these years.
      The pain does lessen with the passing of time, but not the loss.
      Thank you so much for your understanding.:)

  3. Yes, so sad but not maudlin. You've trodden a very narrow line here - and brought it off beautifully.

    1. Strange you should mention the narrow line...whenever I write about my daughter, it feels like I am walking a still achingly painful after all these years. I suppose it always will be.
      Many many thanks.:

  4. dear a beautiful and melancolic post and special of course; hugs

  5. This is probably my favourite of all the poems I have read by you, and yet, I wish you had never been in the position to write it. I have no words to express how I feel, only that you are quite a strong person. You really are. What a beautiful and touching poem.


    1. Oh that is so kind...your words mean so much.
      I do honestly believe that these experiences are always for a reason, even if they seem cruelly random at the time.
      I'm not so sure I am a very strong person, though. Sometimes I have really struggled to find a way forward...but then again, I am still here!
      Many, many thanks.:)

  6. The fabric of this poem is so delicate you have
    chosen your words and rhythm so beautifully Ygraine
    An excellent write on a very emotive topic. I feel for you
    dear lady. Thank you for sharing. xx

    1. Thank you so much Rose!
      After so many years I suppose I should really should have recovered, yet at times I still seem to be working through the grieving process.
      It definitely does get easier though.
      Thank you so much for reading. That means a great deal to me, more than I can possibly express...:)

  7. I saw your comment on Anthony's blog and it broke my heart, I cannot imagine a deeper pain, I wish I could somehow think of a way to lessen a heartbreak that can't be healed until you are back with her in heaven. If it's any comfort at all I knew this man very serious and not a believer. He had a heart attack and he told mr when he returned to work that he died for a while, and he saw his mom and a little boy from the street he use to live in tell him it wasn't his time and he had to go back. He had three heart attacks, same thing happened the second time but on the third, he stayed. I have had a bad accident and I have seen heaven and there is one, and it beyond breathtaking and the Love Is. At least know that she is so happy, and you will see her again, guaranteed. Your writing is so poetic, it hurts and it heals and it's beautiful...still for the time that you are away from her, my heart goes out to you.

    1. Oh Lorraine,
      I cannot find the words to even begin to express how your kind words have comforted me.
      You have honestly touched my heart.
      Thank you.
      Thank you so, so much.:)


Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my posts.
I really appreciate hearing your opinions...:)