HEAD-TO-HEAD

Boris and Jeremy going head-to-head
both promising us the earth.
But can we believe a word they've said
when words can be of such little worth?

They're slugging it out upon our streets
campaigning door to door,
predicting for us fantastic treats
and an end to being poor.

They'll cut our taxes, provide more schools
and fund the NHS.
What? Do they really take us all for fools?
We've heard it before in excess!

Who'll pay for Jeremy's free broadband for all,
the five percent super rich?
I believe his plans will go to the wall
when he encounters a major hitch.

For how does he think these elite will react?
They'll simply emigrate
and then the burden will be ours in fact,
leaving us in a sorry state.

The rich will be ok and the scroungers carried,
under Labour it's always that way.
But what of all those in between who are harried
and their earnings taxed away?

And how about the 'affordable' housing he's promised?
Where will it all be built?
Many thousands per annum is the gist -
and on green belt - does he feel no guilt?

And, anyway, who will foot the bill?
Once again it will fall upon us.
The alternative is more borrowing that will
be no less than scandalous.

We'll be plunger ever deeper into negative equity -
plus our worst recession yet.
Oh is this man so lacking in pity -
aren't we already too deeply in debt?

When challenged, our Jeremy skirts the edge
of truth, half-truth and lie.
He uses metaphor and deliberately hedges
in order to mollify.

Now Boris is a different kettle of fish,
his replies are far more direct.
They're loaded with humour and cleverish,
and the referendum result he'll respect.

Outlandish pledges are not his style,
his are believable.
And I sense no falsehood behind his smile,
nor in his absence of meaningless babble.

Oh I know he's a bit eccentric at times
and some see him as a "scruffy buffoon".
But when it comes to our rising rate of crimes,
he's committed to reducing them soon.

Well, I've watched and listened and made my decision
through intuition and logic combined,
and my vote will go to the politician
who will honour all he's outlined.

So my choice is Boris the Conservative
'cos I know he'll uphold the tradition
of our once-great nation, and carefully sieve
out all of this negative sedition.