Friday 22 November 2013


For Heikki

Wish I could access in each night's sleep
your thoughts.
I long to look, then remember next morning
what I have seen: to transgress privacy
in the vain hope that your dreams
embrace a slightest hint of me.

Your sleep is hope's final resort -
waking hours being a lost cause.
Perhaps if I concentrate hard enough
I can reach you in lucid dreaming
and awaken possibilities of the inconceivable.

Oh, if only there was some escape
from obsession's clutches: the liturgy
of these nightly devotions
that inadequate words now attempt to record
upon this blank page.

I am the condemned prisoner:
unrequited, out-of-control emotions
govern my days
and follow me nightly
into snatched moments
of exhaustion-induced sleep, where
I am haunted by tortuous dreams
that taunt with vivid flashes
of transpersonal awareness.
I see you wrapped in the arms of a lover
not me: an eroticism uninhibited
by primal self-preservation,
but instead honed by hero-worship
into a deadly blade of destruction.
Bleeding into the abyss,
whispering desperate orisons...
I fall.

Someone must have heard -
because you're here with me now
in green. Everything is Caterham green:
team colours, your race suit, car,
the circuit track stretching out
into my future.
And in those pale, pale eyes
I glimpse a hunger
that thrills me to the core.
NOT NOW...please
I...must...not...wake up...

But the dawn chorus
is dragging me


  1. WOW!!! This is fantastic, Ygraine! You are such a talented writer!

    Dreams are so personal and so real at times. I wonder if when we awake from them before we are ready to...if it is like when we were being born and fought to stay in our warm and protective cocoon, not wanting to greet the real world~~~

    1. Thank you so much Jan. I appreciate your kind words more than you can imagine:)
      I hadn't thought of it like that before...but yes, you are so right.
      Dreams are like that, aren't they? The better ones are very much like wanting to stay in the warn safety of the womb...where we are totally protected! :)

  2. You are indeed phenomenal dear Ygraine, occasionally I have a dream so loving that I try to keep it within while waking it's never long now, but the nightmares they last forever

    1. I feel so honoured, Lorraine. Thank you so much.
      Yes...why IS it that the happiest dreams are soon lost, while nightmares stay with us forever?!
      Perhaps the latter are trying to bring something important to our attention...if that is the case, then I wish they'd be a bit more specific so we could quickly learn and then forget them!! Lol

    2. Oh man, do I agree with you sweety, I wish I could write it out like you do, but \i can't i have no words, so i let it go trough me through you, i bless you for that and agree also isn't life nightmarish enough why not leave us the nights quiet and beautiful

    3. Dear is coming through your gorgeous paintings clearly enough. I see your beautiful Soul expressing itself clearly there. You have such talent. I could never paint like that!
      Here's wishing you the sweetest

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  4. Magnificently done, Ygraine! I feel your longing.
    It is as though you have found your way into my own head and tapped into the "between the lines" of my recent poem ...
    I don't want to wake up! xx

    1. Oh Dale...that poem was so hauntingly beautiful. It has etched itself deeply into my thoughts. I have been thinking of you a lot since I read it, and wondering if you are OK.
      I really wish you the very best of luck with your difficult transition...and please...never forget that I am always here if you need a friend xxx

  5. Wonderful. the access you provide here is more than enough to escape and hope to be just a hidden observer. I didn’t want to wake up☺

    1. Perhaps it is sometimes much better to remain the hidden observer...face-to-face so often fails to live up to expectations! *smiles*
      Many thanks Anthony :)

  6. You've succeeded; those "devotions that inadequate words now attempt to record upon this blank page" had me reading and transgressing your privacy as a voyeur, unable and unwilling to cease.

    1. ...and they'll probably get me locked up one day!!
      Serves the voyeur right...divine retribution for her own intrusions.
      Can't say your company is unwelcome though least I am not tormenting myself alone...haha :D

  7. Thank goodness for dreams and writing.

    1. My sentiments exactly Christopher...both effective safety-valves!
      Many thanks:)

  8. oh goodness, what a see the one you love in imagined trists with another...but then again the lover that you only dream to stay with and that hunger in their eyes...the dreams we do not want to def capture a very real feeling in this...

    1. Yes...more nightmare than dream I guess, but partly pleasurable torture though! *smiles*
      Isn't it strange how we can sometimes allow ourselves to feel things in dreams that we'd never allow ourselves to feel when awake?
      Being human is indeed peculiar!!
      Many thanks, Brian:)

  9. You bare yourself so much in your poetry (in the metaphorical sense, of course!). There's a lot of passion in your poetry and that's the main reason why I love it. Many thanks.

    Greetings from London.

    1. Haha...just as well it's only in the metaphorical sense - I'd hate to scare everyone away!!
      Seriously though...yes, I probably do often bare my Soul in these scribblings. It is a place I feel free to express my innermost joys and agonies, imaginings and unfulfilled needs, (hopefully) without offending anyone else. I find writing a truly cathartic experience, both mentally and emotionally. It keeps me sane in a sometimes mad World!
      Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean so much:)


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