Friday 28 June 2019


written on 28th June, 1989.

These sterile walls are bare, except for a framed representation
of a nursery rhyme whose title escapes me.
Apprensions dwell within it's symbolism - and my worst nightmare.
The mouse's burnt dress is a portent of my destiny.
The sun creeps across these walls, dazzlingly white.

Darkened walls now. Blank, devoid of hope. Utter desolation.
Wish I could escape my own mind: thoughts
spiralling down into a black pit, with emotions swiftly following.
There is no way out of this place
of perpetual profound agony.

The red depths wince continually:
a broken pump and two struggling bellows,
mechanically clinging to a pointless existence.
This is all I am now. This - and the terror
of glancing behind myself and seeing what I know is there.

Suddenly, outside, deafening thunder and lightening.
It's as if the World's very Soul, like mine, is being ripped apart.
All hope of salvation is lost on this ward.
Petrified, I turn and approach the incubator:
my tiny, helpless baby is still lying there,

but now she's no longer moving.
She is turning grey as a leaden sky.
She will have passed away in the next few moments. It
is only now all the myriad tubes have been removed
that I can finally hold her for the very first (and last) time...

I have more medical tests and treatments coming up in the next few weeks and months, but will visit as often as I can.
Do hope you can forgive my absences as and when they


  1. Always amazing and touchi8ng dear Ygraine, hope all goes well, Take your time. Hugs and love.
    gloria xo

    1. Oh thank you, dearest, so much!😊😊
      I do hope you are ok, and that your arm is much better.

      Lots of love and hugs ❤❤❤

  2. My tears are still falling my beautiful friend.
    Only you can stir my emotions enough to bring tears to my eyes and pain to my heart.
    A kaleidoscope of emotions.
    Please never apologize for how or when you blog.
    When you feel good and have the inspiration to write or to visit, only then do I want to hear from you my dearest friend.

    You are in my prayers every night and will be for as long as you need or want them.

    All My Love and Big Hugs

  3. Dearest most heartfelt thanks.
    And thank you also for being so patient with me. I know you are aware of my history, and must sometimes be rather bored with my scribblings about my lost daughter. There have been so many of them. It is strange how the pain is still so raw sometimes, even after the passing of the 30 years since I lost her.
    This one was written when it happened, so I decided to publish it as a tribute to her...

    Oh thank you again, my beautiful Friend...for all your kindness and support.😊😊

    And I am thinking of you and your recent loss too,

    with all my love and healing hugs ❤❤❤❤❤

  4. Such a sad story, so amazingly told.
    Hope all goes well.

    1. Thank you so very much, Anthony...I really appreciate that!😊😊

  5. Oh my. Tears flowing here. You are such an amazing woman. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    1. Dearest heartfelt thanks...your kind words mean so much!😊😊

      Love and hugs xxx

  6. Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring.
    And, as always, awe for your dexterous (and often heart breaking) paintings with words.

    1. Dearest Sue...your kindness means so much. Oh thank you!😊😊

      Much love and hugs xxx

  7. ohhh.... I can only guess and somewhat "feel" because of your words what that must have felt like. So so sad and I hope you know and feel her around. Your writings are the comment above, paintings with words...good way to put that. Hope all your tests etc..come out good..

    1. Oh you are so kind, Sandy...and my sincerest thanks and appreciation!😊😊

      Love and hugs xxx

  8. Ygraine my friend, I find much pain and great sorrow within your words that connects to you both, yet I see much peace, and a sense of relief, but most of all, love, a mother that refuses to let go of the love she has for her daughter.

    Ygraine, my good friend, my heart goes out to you that all will turn out well.

    1. Oh Lon...your friendship helps me much more than you can probably imagine.
      Oh thank, so much!😊😊

  9. my dearest friend ygraine i am still and speechless by your powerful sorrowful words!

    tears in eyes and sadness waving withing i am praying that may Lord be kind and merciful and may you defeat all the pain and sickness marvelously !

    i know few who recovered miraculously after treatment and i wish ,hope and pray that you do same and soon my precious friend!

    please don't say sorry because there is only one thing most important and this is your health and treatment .

    stay blessed with faith and hope because optimism matters most in such cases !

    sending you oceans of healing energy ,so much love and hugs my dear friend!

    1. Dearest Baili...your beautiful words truly brought tears to my eyes...and hope to my heart.
      How can I even begin to thank you, mere words are so inadequate.
      Your support helps me to find the strength to fight on.
      Oh thank you, my dear Friend...with all my heart.
      And I am hoping and praying that you feel better really soon too.
      You are always in my thoughts...
      With all my love and hugs xxx

  10. Your words told your sad story incredibly well. Sending big hugs to you ...

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    All the best Jan

    1. Oh heartfelt thanks...I so appreciate your kind words.
      You give me the strength to keep writing...😊😊

      Hope you are having a super weekend!

      Big Hugs xxx

  11. I cannot begin to imagine what you went through, or approach the reserve of love and courage that produced this deeply moving poem. I can only say I'm in awe of you --and in terms of fortitude, will never get your limits. You are remarkable.

    1. Oh are so kind, that I really don't know what to say.
      I have never thought of myself as having courage. Life's knocks have always been hard for me to deal with, which I guess is why I need to write about them more often than I probably should.
      I do believe that everything happens for a reason, so maybe that belief has sustained me.
      Oh thank you, my Friend...from my heart.😊😊

      I do hope you are ok. You are often in my thoughts.

      Have a magical day!

  12. My friend, I am holding you tight! I am so sorry for the loss you went through! Know, you will continually be in my thoughts and prayers! Blog when you can! You will be missed! You are loved! Big Hugs!

  13. Oh Sweetie...I really needed that hug my most heartfelt thanks!😊😊
    So happy you enjoyed your holiday so were positively glowing in those photos...and that truly warmed my heart!!

    All my love and hugs ❤❤❤❤❤❤

  14. awesome article.
    thank for sharing & have a nice day

  15. Thank you, Azka...and wishing you a great day too! :))

  16. I'm sorry to hear. I wish you all the best.

    Greetings from London.

    1. My heartfelt thanks, CiL...and my deepest appreciation.😊😊


Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my posts.
I really appreciate hearing your opinions...:)