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Thursday 31 October 2019

THE DISCARNATE

A tale for Halloween...๐Ÿ˜‰

Messing around with the Ouija Board
that Samhain. It was a Halloween gift
from a well-meaning friend. Oh how it's letters
and numbers intrigued me.
Pioneer in the arena of stupidity!
That evening I opened mind, body and Soul
to who knew what. I cared not. I was a student
gluttonous for knowledge of all things occult,
the entire cornucopia. I began calling out:
I had to do it right, like in the movies -
I called out loud, determined to be heard.
And my Spirit, and whatever unexpressed need
it harboured, called with me.
I'd assumed I was strong enough - was well protected
against unwanted intrusions by the circle of salt
I had spread around myself and my board.
But, suddenly, something breached my amateurish defences.
The sweat burst out.
I was shaking. My head! I was accustomed to migraines,
but this was something else. Pounding, stabbing pain.
Then, that night, on my pillow
the drumming of my pulse in my ear.
Visions:
a strange land, another time -
playing Russian Roulette with my sanity. Weird
to be lying on my bed
and watching the room morph into the unfamiliar.
It knocked me to pieces,
as if my entire being was fragmenting.
And yet - I was still me. But, was me still I ?
This I, that had always got me through
life's challenges, that I knew inside out -
how could it fail me now?
It had been with me forever, a kind of inner Guru.
A sudden spike
through the left side of my head.
Or a sword? Horrific image of a thin blade
piercing my crown and continuing down through my neck.
Or a knawing at my brain
from the inside. Even worse,
the terrifying dizziness - instant slip
from infinite thought to mental paralysis.
Physical movement jolted into neutral
and awareness no longer under my control.

How many thoughts in a day?
Hypochondria screaming in a language I couldn't understand.
Was I going to die? I tried to give voice to my fears
with a tongue that tied itself in knots.
I tried to write it down, but hands refused
to obey - wobbled uselessly, like half-set jelly.
My waking in confusion. Going to bed
with a favourite book that I didn't recognise.
The invisible block of concrete
that came down on my head,
knocking me senseless.
Sudden impulse: staggering to the mirror.
Blood oozing from nose and ears
like scarlet rivers - a ghastly omen
of impending doom?
I became a battering ram. Pounding, pounding
against castle doors unyielding.
Then the golden Mace, battering the doors
of Parliament. I was everywhere.
And nowhere. And through it all,
the horrifying panic.
Disintegrating from the inside out,
I felt already posthumous.
Whoever I looked at, their names escaped me.
And they stared clean through me, seemed to feel
a breeze and shiver, and maybe catch a glimpse
of a flitting shadow out of the corner of an eye, looked again
and saw nothing.

My redeemer
was the exorcist they called in.
I recall very little, only the agony
of being torn apart and then re-integrated
with sacred water and sea salt.
And many words, meaningless words,
drifting in and out of my stupor - that cast out
that incapacitating dead weight...

My new research:
who had invaded my body? Who
had slipped in between the letters and numbers
on my Ouija Board, to inflict such pain
and confusion? And was it simply to amuse himself?
Who was this discarnate joker
who had come to share with me
his death pangs from a brain tumour?
Wearing my skin, his consciousness composed
my poem, using my hand to record the physical agony
and the mental torture of desperately seeking
this mirror or that mirror, for confirmation
of continued existence -
only to find
nothing.
Almost worse than the pain,
the sense of being cut off, of being
ignored by everyone:
total solitary confinement
with no explanation, no crime committed.
Only endless punishment,
and such ghastly apprehension.

Only now do I fully understand.
Not so much the joker,
more a lost Soul
in torment and despair,
anxious for acknowledgement
and a way out of his personal hell-in-limbo...

and I just happened
to inadvertently open a portal.

39 comments:

  1. Wow… Totally enjoyed.. Wonderful
    Happy Halloween!!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Anthony!
      I'm so happy you enjoyed ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

      Wishing you a HAPPY HALLOWEEN too!!!๐ŸŽƒ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ•ธ

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  2. A bit scary, but great to read! You have all the right words for every occasion! Have fun during Halloween☺

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    1. So kind...thank you so much, Natalia!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

      Have a magical Halloween xxx

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  3. This is painful, powerful, and thought provoking. Opening doors can so often be fraught with danger.
    I am in complete awe of your wordsmithery.

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    1. ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰ Thank you, Sue...so much!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š
      Yes, I agree...I only hope my tale never comes true!! Lol
      Have a great day.

      Love and hugs ❤❤❤

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    2. As usual your writings draw me into the tale and this one I am happy to wake up from even in my imagination.
      The perfect story for Halloween . You are amazingly talented.

      Happy Halloween My Sweet Friend ❤❤❤๐Ÿ’ฎ๐Ÿ๐ŸŽƒ๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‚❤❤❤

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    3. Dear, sweet Jan...oh you are so kind. Thank you so much!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š
      I was sad to find your blog was no longer accessible. I do hope all is OK with you.
      I am always here if you need me...

      Lots of love and hugs ❤❤❤

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  4. wow what a journey with you with all you created so powerfully through your magical words dear Ygrainy !!!!!!!!!!!!

    i felt the creepiness through my veins lol

    you are OUTSTANDING poet ,never saw someone with such mastery over harmony of imagination and expression :)

    hope Halloween festival was fun at you part of land my friend
    wishing you more and more blessings in life ahead !
    hugs!

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    Replies
    1. Dearest Baili...oh thank you so, so much for your kind words! It truly means so much to know that you enjoyed my supernatural tale!๐Ÿ˜‰
      Yes, Halloween was a fun time...when I can indulge my passion for dressing up and feeling spooky!! Lol

      Wishing you a magical Sunday, my beautiful friend!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

      Much love and hugs ❤❤❤

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  5. Un post che ho letto volentieri.
    Buon inizio novembre.

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    1. Thank you so much, Giancarlo!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š
      Wishing you a fabulous month too...

      Hugs xxx

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  6. well..... intrigued and still am - that was awesomely written and well wow!!

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    1. My turn now to say "wow"!!
      Thank you, Sandy...so much ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

      Big Hugs xxx

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  7. A little scary and quite thought provoking.

    Happy November Wishes.

    All the best Jan

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    Replies
    1. Many thanks, Jan! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Wishing you a great November too!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

      Hugs xxx

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  8. Very hapy come in THE DISCARNATE ...

    Pokoknya makjleb lah

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    Replies
    1. Many thanks, Mang...for your visit and your great comment!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š
      I have visited your blog and tried to leave a comment, but was unable to find the "publish" button. Please can you help?

      Have a great day!

      Delete
  9. Many thanks, Yannis...I am so happy you enjoyed!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

    Have a great Sunday xxx

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  10. Thank you so much...I really appreciate that! :))

    Have a Great Day xxx

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  11. Un post Muy interesante! Gracias por la informaciรณn! Feliz noche! ♡♡♡

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Carolina...so happy you enjoyed!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

      Have a great Monday ❤❤❤

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  12. I am most afraid when I see the film Gendre Hollowen, especially if the ghost is in the form of a clown

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I agree...there is something really menacing about clowns. They scare me too!
      Many thanks!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

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  13. So beautiful... You wrote by heart.

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    1. Aww, thank you, Anissa...so much! ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

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  14. if in your country, during hollowen celebrations, what costumes do you often wear?

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    1. Anything scary, really...ghost, witch, ghoul, vampire, zombie...anything like that.
      It is great fun! ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

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  15. Replies
    1. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š Thank you so much, Giancarlo!

      Happy Monday xxx

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  16. Replies
    1. Many thanks, Alfan. That is much appreciated! :))

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  17. I have no word...breathless...sometimes out of body experience can be hell without cause, an invader putting a life you never lived, or maybe your sensational writing skill of pure horror...I do not know which, but either way...I remain speechless and awed by your writing, as always, terrifying in its possibility, terrifying in its impossibility, terrifying. You are truly gifted Ygraine.

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I really appreciate hearing your opinions...:)